The Lollipop

We're celebrating! The sun is out! It's [gasp] WARM! So out come the lollipops that we make with orange juice that she has waited daaaaaaaaaaaays to enjoy. Mummy's just prising it out of its plastic container when... Uh Oh, the lollipop breaks in two.
She stares at me.
I look back at her.
I know what's coming.
Her bottom lip starts to tremble.
Her eyes are filling with tears...
Mummy
BROKE
the lollipop.
Silence. Then...
"Mummmmeeeeee" [WAIL] I didn't want a BROKEN one...[WAIL] it's all BROKEN now... [WAIL]
So I spend a few minutes consoling, trying to explain that it still tastes the same... but the WAAAAIIIIIIILLLLLIIIIINNNNNNG continues until I say that never mind then, I'm just going to leave it here for a minute and then I'll eat the lolly instead. And I disappear inside.
Outside, silence.
The lollipop is eaten.

Getting Lost

I could get lost in my own back yard, so when Little Miss decided that she wanted me to go up "THAT hill Mummy", next to the hill we live on, I thought, yeah, why not, let's explore. But I got lost, ended up going down a footpath that I thought would be a shortcut and came out MILES from where we live. Thankfully though, I knew where I was. Little Miss Adventurous, however, turned into Little Miss Not So Adventurous and demanded we go back the way we came so we could go UP the hill to our house.
"But our house is this way."
"No it's not."
"I can assure you, Mummy knows where she's going."
"It's that way Mummy."
"No, it's this way."
"No it's not Mummy."
and so it went. The cause of the problem? We weren't going UP a hill. And Little Miss knows she lives UP a hill. So the fact that we were going straight and then, heaven forbid, DOWN a hill to get home, caused her enough consternation to erupt into tears.
So I changed tack.
"OK, well, we'll just walk this way for a while and see."
"And then we'll go back Mummy."
"Yes OK, then we'll go back."
"Up the hill, Mummy."
I'm deliberating how to answer when Luke Duke, who had been pretty much amusing himself up until now, starts demanding lunch... and I'm still a good 20 minute walk away. "Cracker, cracker, cracker" he says, craning round to look at me beseechingly... So the next 20 minutes go something like this
"Not this way Mummy."
"Cracker? cracker? cracker? Please?"
"This is the wrong way Mummy."
"Cracker? Please? Cracker?"
"I want to go back that way Mummeeeee."
......

Most Ingenious Bedtime Excuses, Part 1:

"Mummeeeee" she whispers from the top of the stairs.
"Yes Niamh, why aren't you in bed?"
"The clouds are too noisy Mummy."
"The clouds are too noisy?"
"Yes"
"You mean those white, fluffy clouds in the blue sky out there?"
"Yes. They're keeping me awake Mummy."
"I see."
"They're too noisy."
"Would you like me to close the window, then?"
"Yes please Mummy."
"Good night now Niamh."
"Night Night Mummy."