Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Damn you, Show and Tell

As if there weren't enough things that make me feel like a rubbish mum on a daily basis, Little Miss and the Duke's pre-school makes matters worse with their weekly Show and Tell. It means that every week I've got to remember to give each one of them something to take for it.

Bear in mind that I usually struggle to remember what I was doing 5 minutes ago. Not only are the kids lucky if we get out the house with the requisite changes of clothes, lunchbags, book bags and er, oh yeah, two clean and dressed kids. With ironed clothes. Sometimes.

Only this term, they've just about guaranteed that I'll fail because I now have to remember two things: the over 3s have to have something beginning with a letter and the under 3s something of a certain colour.

But I've got it sussed. This term, the minute I receive the newsletter I'm going to write it on our weekly calendar. This term...This term I AM GOING TO REMEMBER.

Week 1. Um...
School pick up:
"Mummy," says Little Miss enthusiastically, "in today's show and tell we did e for elephant"
"Oh how lovely!"
"Yes darling"
"Why didn't I have anything for Show and Tell?
"Ummmm... because Mummy forgot."
"Sorry sweetheart"

Week 2.

I remembered, ha ha ha! You didn't think I would did you, well I did, ha ha ha!

So, off we went to school with our "e" for envelope and blue bowl for Blue! Hurrah! Only second week into the term and I've done it. AND, not only that, but a parent friend didn't get the newsletter so asked me what it was and I told them too. Hah! I can do this! This is easy!


...I forgot to change the week on my calendar

E for envelope and Blue were last week's show and tell.

This week's was B for ball and red.

We get to school, and I instantly realise my mistake. Little Miss gives me that look that makes me feel like I simply don't deserve to be a mother, never mind a mother to her. But that's not the half of it. Because my parent friend arrives at the same time... and I have to watch mumbling a thousand apologies as she swiftly puts away the adorable, soft toy elephant that her daughter had chosen for Show and Tell. And then, her impossibly beautiful daughter's enormous blue eyes turn to mine with a look of utter devastation..

Damn you, Show and Tell.

Pink Cake

Oh God, she wants a pink cake for her birthday.

I struggle to make a vanilla sponge.

How on earth am I going to make a pink cake?

Anyone? Anyone?

Saturday, 24 September 2011

Most Guilt Inducing Comment of the Week

"Mummy, why did you call it a bloody chair?"


"Does it need a plaster?"


Monday, 19 September 2011

I sent my kid to school and I got a monster back

Is it just me, or does going back to school bring about a certain rebelliousness? Because my hitherto angelic (ok, not all the time) almost-4 year old daughter has transformed into a stomping, tongue-pulling, brother-hitting, attitudinal (that's not a word but it should be) little girl. And doing stuff like this

'No, I'm not doing it. Neh'

Turning round on way to naughty step (for trying to stab her brother with a plastic knife) and sticking her tongue out at me

Hitting me, in the sports centre, because I wouldn't buy her a drink from the snack machine

Now I realise that kids like to push buttons, but this is the first time she had showed so much damned attitude.

Terrifyingly, I think I may have glimpsed a certain teenage future.

It's not just me, is it? Or is she just, you know, FOUR now?

Friday, 9 September 2011

Most definitely Worst Comment of the Week so far. Ever.

Little Miss: 'Mummy.... I like your top.'

Mummy: 'Oh! Thank you flower'

Little Miss: Reaches up, taps my tummy.

Little Miss: 'You look like you're having a baby, Mummy'

Mummy – Speechless.

Top – In the bin.