In a new series of what I think I'll call the What people don't tell you about Having Children, here's my number one: Why didn't anyone mention the fact that yes, the first few months with a new baby will be your first real experience of total sleep-deprivation but what nobody mentions is that, actually,
YOU
WILL
NEVER
SLEEP
AGAIN
When your little bundle of joy arrives the focus is entirely on he/she "getting through" the night, and you just blithely assume that everyone will go back to getting all the sleep they need, just like the good ol' days...
But I'm still waiting...
...and here's why. This is my week's sleep diary.
Day One:
5.05am the Duke calls out. I wait ten minutes, he goes back to sleep.
I do not.
Time spent asleep approx 6 hours. This is a good night.
Day Two:
3am Little Miss crying in her sleep, go in to find her duvet-less. Replace duvet, tuck her in and spend the next hour and a half trying to get back to sleep.
5am the Duke shouts out Pizza! Conclude he is dreaming and roll over. Try to get back to sleep and fail miserably.
5.45 Little Miss crying again and shouting "Don't want to". Conclude she too is having nightmare and go in to cuddle. Don't go back to sleep.
Worry about what I have given them to eat that has given them both nightmares. Time spent asleep approx 4 hours.
Day Three:
Good news! Kids didn't wake until morning.
Bad news! I have bladder of 90 year old. Up at 2am for a wee-wee. Take one hour to go back to sleep. Average time spent asleep 6 hours.
Day Four:
Good news! Kids didn't wake until morning.
Bad news! Husband steals duvet, wake up at 3am c-c-c-c-cold. You know the rest.
Day Five:
We're on for a HATRICK of kids sleeping through. Hurrah! Now just got to make sure Mummy sleeps all night.
2.30am BLOODY CAR ALARM GOES OFF
Take one-and-a-half hours to go back to sleep.
Day Six:
5am the Duke dawn chorus
Day Seven:
God, I'm tired...
