You know you're married with children when...

You come home from a rare night out to find that something has been left on your pillow.  Oh! you think excitedly, maybe your husband has left you a love note! Wow! Maybe some romance has crawled back into a 5-year-marriage battered and bruised by the arrival of two small people! Oh the excitement! Oh, how much you love your husband! What a sweetie!

But it's dark, so you don't actually know what it is... yet. 

So you approach the bed quietly, for your husband is fast asleep. Oh! What sweet missives might have been left on... actually, what is it? You can't quite tell...is it a card?  No, too small for a card. A post-it note maybe?  It's hard to tell but You're nearly there! You've got it!  

But you still can't actually see what it is so you race to the bathroom and voila!

It's..!

it's..!

THIS

And in case you thought I was joking here's a close up